In an Almost Perfect World

“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”
~ Voltaire

In a perfect world, weapons of mass destruction would be Tonka trucks in the sandbox and terrorism would be nothing more than ten-year-olds toilet papering your tree fort. In a perfect world, coral reefs wouldn’t be dying and glaciers wouldn’t be melting. In a perfect world, every child would have enough food, enough clean water, adequate health care, a quality education and parents who loved and protected unconditionally. In a perfect world, oil would be abundant and cheap and the global economy would be strong. And in a perfect world, cancer would be a distant memory and human rights violations would be just a chapter in the history books.

Unfortunately, I have neither the power, finances, influence nor the intelligence to solve the world’s problems–and apparently the world’s leaders don’t have the resources or abilities, either (or is it just a lack of desire?). Someday I hope to explore those topics in more depth, but right now it’s late on a Sunday night, I’m bone-tired and brain-weary, and my feeble mind is stuck on the minor frustrations, silly complaints and trivial inconveniences that clutter my pampered world. If I can’t create that perfect world (today), surely from the cozy comfort of my recliner I can at least envision an almost perfect world.

So, here goes. In an almost perfect world . . .

Underwear wouldn’t ride up. Ever.

High heels would come with built-in foot massagers.

People could smell, be offended by, and do something about their own body odor before going to the grocery store.

No group of people would use its religion as a weapon or as justification for bad behavior.

Stupidity would have its limits.

Bladders could be programmed for emptying only during regularly scheduled waking hours.

Curtis Stone would give free, private cooking lessons.

Everyone would recognize their own worth.

People who moved to the country to get away from the city wouldn’t try to change the country to be more like the city.

Every car hood would have built-in, low-frequency shock waves so that every cat that jumped on one would only do it once.

The Big Bang Theory reruns would broadcast seven nights a week instead of just five.

Everyone would listen to every word, correctly interpret the meaning behind every word and intuitively understand every word left unsaid.

Dried-up ink pens would always be automatically discarded as soon as their condition was discovered instead of thrown back into a drawer to frustrate another day.

Bosses would always be as smart as their employees.

“Wisdom” spots, laugh lines and muffin tops would be revered for their divine sexiness.

Men would be required to endure the annual equivalent of a mammogram.

Everyone else would realize the sheer beauty of correct grammar.

Every backyard would have a hammock and a tire swing and every adult would be required to spend a few minutes every day in each.

Tornadoes would only touch down in open fields.

Nothing Justin Bieber or the Kardashians said or did would be considered newsworthy.

All weekends would come equipped with a pitcher of margaritas, a good book and a beach.

No one would ever say “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” unless they really didn’t know or really, truly didn’t care.

People would be as understanding and forgiving and loyal as dogs.

Toothpaste wouldn’t glob in sinks, hard water wouldn’t deposit on shower doors, weeds wouldn’t grow in gardens and bird droppings wouldn’t land on vehicles.

Everyone could know and always feel the warmth of a grandma’s hug.

Every day would come equipped with an ample supply of bubble wrap.

I would still weigh what my driver’s license says I weigh.

Everyone would follow their own advice (especially me).

All department stores would offer free alcoholic beverages to dull the pain of swimsuit shopping.

Everything important or interesting would happen before 9 p.m.

Naps and thumb-twiddling would burn calories.

Every bad day would come with a reset button.

Metabolism could be fueled by jelly beans.

Customer service representatives on the other end of the line would be (first and foremost) human beings who also happened to speak slowly, clearly and intelligently.

I could sing like Nina Simone and dance like Shakira.

All grown-up hurts could be fixed with a kiss and a Snoopy Band-aid.

Every brilliant idea conceived beneath the shower head could still be remembered outside of the steamy confines.

Every day would start with a moment of quiet reflection amidst the honeysuckle and end with a roaring belly laugh among loved ones.

And in an almost perfect world, we all would worry less about making mistakes and more about grasping opportunities, less about looking silly and more about making magic, less about the clouds graying our skies and more about the sunshine on the other side.

Yeah, that pretty much covers it. Except . . .

In an almost perfect world, life would be as simple as an ox-eye daisy . . . 

as vibrant as a tiger lily . . .
tiger lily

and as beautiful as a touch-me-not.
purple wildflower2

And in an almost perfect world, we could spend our days running barefoot through the mud . . .

and playing hide-and-seek in the bushes.

About icedteawithlemon

I have recently retired from a 30-year career in education in one of the best school districts in the world. I hope to spend my second life reading, writing, photographing, traveling, biking, cheering on my favorite baseball team (the St. Louis Cardinals), and soaking up glorious sunshine. In my spare time I enjoy playing with my pet tarantulas, trying out new flavors of chewing gum, and knitting socks for prison inmates. I'm almost positive that in a past life I was one of the Seven Dwarfs (most likely "Grumpy"), and in my next life I'm going to be either a taste tester for Hershey's or a model for Victoria's Secret's new line, "Bloomers for Boomers." I want to travel country back roads, singing Vanilla Ice songs at every karaoke bar and rating bathroom cleanliness at every truckstop. And someday I plan to own a private beach where skinny girls aren't allowed. I want to be a writer when I grow up. "Our truest life is when we are in dreams awake."--Henry David Thoreau
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14 Responses to In an Almost Perfect World

  1. Lunette Murrill says:

    As Always. . Beautiful Karen!

  2. Mary Fritz says:

    Thanks for perking me up on a Monday morning! Smiled and giggled at your observations. I keep forwarding your blogs to friends all over because there is always something in there that reminds me of them.

    • Thank you, Mary! I’m glad I could make you giggle on a Monday morning. And thank you for forwarding my blogs to my friends–and feel free to encourage them to subscribe so they will get email notifications, too. 🙂

  3. RayEtta says:


  4. jeanjames26 says:

    I like your perfect world. Mind if I come over and have a drink?

  5. SUE says:

    giggle giggle giggle……..that’s what I say about that.
    Good one and, as always, you turn my day into a day full of smiles. Thank you!!!

  6. liliofthefield27 says:

    Karen, I don’t recall that I’ve ever paid you high compliments on your vibrant flower photos. They’re all just absolutely gorgeous. I think I shall rename myself Tiger Lily, or, Tiger Lil, and have a lovely broach made that resembles the flower…seriously. Stunning flower, and those Touch Me Nots remind me so much of coral reefs!

    Good thoughts re your perfect world, albeit personally, I don’t wish to see an abundance of oil – I’d much rather see the serious development and implementation of clean alternative energy sources and see our planet cleaned up and oil-free. I want to plug in my electic car to get it juiced up…and while I’m at it, plug in my husband to get HIM juiced up…but that’s another story. LOL!

    Also, in a perfect world, loneliness would be obsolete. One example being that every lonely elderly man and woman residing in a nursing home (or anywhere for that matter) would have a designated and loving “Little Grandson or Little Granddaughter”, along the lines of the Big Sister and Brother programs. Far too much loneliness out there, girl.

    Oh, and if the powers that be who pay sports figures multi-million dollar salaries could donate some of that cash to budget starved schools in order for textbooks, other pertinent supplies, and hot lunches to be provided for the deprived students.

    And if someone could manufacture heated bras for our cold Canadian winters, I and countless other Northern boulder holder wearers would be much obliged.

    Your sizzlin’ lizard photos brought to mind this quote:

    “The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.”
    – William Blake

    • Thank you, Lillian–henceforth known as Tiger Lil. A world no longer addicted to oil would certainly be welcome, and I love your idea on banishing loneliness–and I actually considered dividing those sports salaries among teachers and schools, but I think I may have used that idea in a previous blog (unless I’m remembering something that never happened, which is entirely possible). As for the heated bras, you could probably market that idea–not to women like me (sans boulders) and probably not in my part of the world, but I’m guessing millions of northern women would be forever grateful. Love the quote, too, by the way …

  7. bronxboy55 says:

    You probably get tired of my agreeing with everything you say, so I set out to find something in this post to argue about. I’ve failed again.

    Amazing pictures. How do you do it?

    • Ha! I’m glad you found nothing to argue about–I’m almost certain I would not emerge the victor in a battle of wits with you. 🙂 And just so you know, I feel the same way when I leave comments on your blog. (“Geez! I sound like a groupie!”)

      Thanks for complimenting my photos. And for every one you see, I’ve discarded dozens of “almost-but-not-quite” alternatives. Practice and patience. It occurred to me the other day that if I spent less time traipsing around outside with my camera, I would have more time for writing–but the traipsing and photographing bring me tremendous joy, too. Consequently, I’ve decided that I will make more time for writing by giving up such joy-less activities as housekeeping and sleeping. Is that how YOU do it?

      And speaking of your blog, I thoroughly enjoyed this morning’s post.

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