I’m a simple girl with simple needs. I don’t ask for much; in fact, I seldom ask for anything, and in most circumstances when compared to the general population of my gender, I’m pretty sure I would fall on the low end of maintenance requirements.
I have simple tastes, too. I’m content to drive an older model van because it’s comfortable, reliable, and paid for. While I have closets full of clothes, nothing fancy is hanging there, and most of those clothes were bought on sale. Most of my jewelry falls into the “costume” category, my home decor can best be described as “hodge podge,” and I would just as soon eat a slice of pizza as a filet mignon.
There are quite a few little changes, though–simple things, really–that would make my life even more pleasant and satisfactory than it already is. Most of them don’t even come with a price tag and could easily be implemented by some higher power with the ability and a matching desire to make all my wishes come true.
I want an uninterrupted night’s sleep, a sleep free from legs cramping, hormones flashing or dogs barking. And when I wake from that blissful slumber, I want a shower so hot that it stings and a Diet Dr. Pepper so cold that it brings sweet relief.
I want clothes that fit perfectly and clothes that don’t wrinkle–ever. I want underwear that doesn’t ride up, and I want stiletto heels with built-in, invisible foot massagers. I also want the ability to walk in those heels without kissing the concrete or rolling an ankle.
I want mascara that doesn’t smudge when I tear up and fingernails that don’t break when I tap impatiently. I want legs that are always smooth (without any effort on my part) and hair that is never frizzy. And on the topic of hair, I also want a “permanent” hair color that is actually “permanent” instead of just a six-week cover-up.
I want a cell phone that gets reception in all the hills and valleys of the Ozarks, and I want a satellite that never loses its signal during thunderstorms (which seem to occur most often when the Cardinals are playing, and the middle of the line-up is coming up to bat).
I want all members of my household to realize that the toilet paper should unroll from the TOP and to install new rolls accordingly.
I want the volume turned down on the television and cranked up on the radio. And I want a classic rock radio station that actually plays music instead of devoting its morning air waves to the juvenile humor of its disc jockeys.
I want fresh strawberries all year long.
I want someone else to mop the kitchen, wash the dishes, do the laundry and scrub the bathrooms. And while I’m at it, perhaps that someone else could also clean out my car and be responsible for keeping it clean from here on out.
I want plastic grocery bags that don’t rip and spill before I get them up the stairs. Even better, I want baggers with enough common sense not to put all the canned goods in the same bag.
I want a yoga instructor who will patiently teach this old gal how to be more flexible and relaxed. And if I can’t find a yoga instructor with that much patience, then I want a personal trainer who will teach me how to beat the stuffing out of a punching bag.
I want a never-ending supply of good books at my daily disposal. I also want to use those books in my ambitious campaign to eventually learn every word in the English language (I have a long way to go).
I want kids–and grown-ups, too–to remember to say “Please” and “Thank you” and “Excuse me” and “I’m sorry.” And I want to do a better job of remembering to say those words myself.
I want to be remembered for my occasional moments of goodness, intelligence or wittiness instead of my frequent bouts of unbridled stupidity.
I want everyone in my little world to appreciate toothpaste, deodorant and soap as much as I do.
I want to be spontaneous. I want to laugh, dance, sing, speak, react without planning, rationalizing, analyzing or worrying about what others might think–if not always, then at least once in a while.
I want nights without thunder and days without rain. And if those days happen to fall on a sun-soaked weekend, so much the better.
I recently fantasized about being the ruler of the world and making a few major changes for the betterment of all (read “Welcome to My Fantasy World,” published 5/1/11). While I did garner several votes of approval and promises of support for my quest of world domination, I really don’t anticipate that overthrow taking place any time soon. In the meantime, no worries, though–these few, simple little changes will more than suffice to make this simple girl happy.